Some of Dr Sardonicus's writings.

Dr Sardonicus feels he should share some of his writings with you his loyal, loyal fans.

You may be a serial killer if...

You watch CSI like it's a DIY program.
You're disapointed by nudey porn becuase the skins still on.
The voice telling you to kill some one is only drowned out by
The voice telling you to kill everyone.
You've relaid your patio 5 times and isn't it time for a 6th?
You're a HGV driver.
When Sir Alan points at you on telly you know he's telling you to do bad things.
You smile when you see hitchhikers.
You're a dyslexic, obsessive topical sketch writer who works for social services.
You've got a porn video with the snare scene from Watership Down and the bit where Bambi's mum gets offed.
You're dog won't fucking shut up! It may be the voice of God but still you haven't slept in a week.
You've been kicked out of all the Hannibal Lecter films for shouting pussy and aamateur at the screen.

Drawn Apart

JILL IS ASLEEP AND PREGNANT TONY SITS BY HER SIDE ON THE BED.TONY STICKS HIS HAND UNDER THE DUVET AND PULLS OUT A CUSHION AND IS ABOUT TO PUSH A BIGGER ONE IN IT'S PLACE.JILL SITS UP (WITHOUT A BABY BUMP)

JILL
I bloody knew it you faked our pregnancy! But why Tony? It's horrible.
TONY
I just thought if you thought were pregnant you wouldn't leave me.
JILL
How long Tony? How long? We've been married for 15 years we've had 3 kids.
TONY
About that...haven't you ever wandered why Julian, Edgar and Winifred are always playing at the end of the garden?
JILLThey're healthy out doorsy kids. Oh you didn't you wouldn't, you couldn't could you?
JILL GOES TO THE WINDOW PULLS OPEN THE CURTAIN THERE ARE 3 CHILDREN CRUDELY PAINTED ON THE WINDOW.SHE RUBS ONE OF THE PAINTINGS.
JILL
You bastard they're painted on! Get out you liar! Mother said I'd end up with a man just like dad.
TONY
Fine I'm going. And I'm taking the cat! Mr Whiskers. Fine stay you ingrate.
WE SEE THE CAT IS DRAWN ON THE WALL.HE STORMS OUT.
JILL
Oh thank God I thought he'd never go, you can come up from the end of the garden Fabio.
SHE PULLS BACK THE OTHER CURTAIN TO REVEAL A CRUDE DRAWING OF FABIO ON THE WINDOW.