Dr Sardonicus is hiding from the rain in a small internet cafe avoiding the rain which is driving down with a vengance. And he has decided to entertain himself by doing the following things.

1 Politely reply to all the kinds offers of lottery wins and Viagra from the Horn of Africa. Perhaps reccomend they could forward them onto Gordon Brown? He needs the money more than Dr S and the other stuff, well the prick really needs to stand up for himself.


2 Send a list of new magazine ideas to kindly tyrant Rupert Murdoch; Sleat like Heat but featuring celebs being rained on, FHHem for the lad who likes to sew and maybe Out of Focus for shortsighted science fans.

3 Send some offers of viagra and lottery wins to a gullible country (Tonga always seemed abit naieve).

4 Invent a union for the Labor government as they are likely to need one rather soon. Union of Pms Losers Chancellors and other Cretins (U Pillocks).

5 Congratulate Obama on winning aproval from the electorate not by reforming health care, but by calling Kanye West a jack ass. Might he reccomend calling Will Smith a cock stand, then have a cry in Michelle's organic garden (and maybe some of that special cabbage, Sardonicus understands...)

6 Ponder what he'd do if he ever got his hands on Obama's blackberry (don't be disgusting I know what you're thinking not so gentle reader). Maybe send Nick Griffin an appreciative e-mail, or ask DaveyC for a big snog.
Or tell Gordon he's not dull.